Just for fun...stories about Perry!

This morning I was on my way to work just listening to a little Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation 1814 (Escapade...to be precise) and just mulling a few things over in my head. I began to think of Perry and the thoughts made me smile. I realize that some people may think I talk about Perry quite a bit...but he is the other half of my team, so it is inevitable that I think of/speak of him often. As I was saying, I was bopping along on Hwy 54 and different little stories started flitting around...so I thought I would put a couple out here...

Batteries & Perry

Okay, when something in our house has a battery that goes dead...Perry doesn't go out and buy new batteries...he borrows batteries from other items. Let me give you a few examples:

The batteries in the TV remote were dead and he went and took the batteries out of his hair clippers to replace them. Then when he needed his hair clippers, he swapped them back...and then swapped them back again when he needed the remote.

We have this large over-sized orange clock that is on the vanity in our bathroom. Well, the battery had died in it and it was stuck on 7:15 for many months, then one day I came home and it was suddenly working (he did tell me he put a battery in it...but I didn't ask where he got it from)...I was very happy to have the clock working in the bathroom again (you know...to keep me on track when getting ready for work), when one day I came home from work and I saw that the clock was sitting on our kitchen table. Not working. Well, his garage door opener hadn't worked in a like a YEAR and he finally replaced the battery...with the battery from our bathroom clock.

Now, I was telling these stories at work the other day and a guy I work with was laughing and said, "Well, at least he didn't take the battery out of the smoke detector." Which leads me to my last story...the battery in one of Perry's fishing gadgets died...so he replaced it with our smoke detector battery. Yesiree...he did.

Victoria Secret, Twilight, & Perry (Now this one I have blogged about before on my MySpace blog...so I cheated and copied it here. Sue me.)

Before Christmas, Perry and I had driven up to Mosinee to take my mom out for dinner and to do some shopping in Wausau. We went to the mall after dinner and we had to go to Victoria's Secret so my mom could get some gifts for my sister's birthday the following week. While we were there, Perry and I were playing with all the samples they have (which have stickers that say "Play with Me"...so, duh, we were just following directions), so mostly he was spraying me with stuff, dusting me with powders, basically trying to be annoying. Well, they have this new fragrance which is called Oooh La La. You can get all these items with this fragrance...one of which is the center of my story here.

This fragrance has a bottle with powder and all these pink feathers on top. You are supposed to dust yourself with the feathers and the powder will come out (I am sure you all have seen these types of bottles before). Well this was really fancy with a huge plume of feathers, so to be silly I really powdered myself up with it...and Perry burst out laughing...it wasn't just powder...it was full-on sparkly, extremely fine, body glitter and I had just covered my entire face in a layer of it. (By the way...this Oooh La La bottle is $29.50...I probably covered myself in $5.00 worth of the stuff.)

Perry could NOT stop laughing...and I couldn't get the stuff off my face, I tried rubbing it off my face...it just covered my hands and I couldn't wipe it on my black coat...so I had to spend the rest of the night shopping looking like I took a face plant in a tub of glitter. (And don't get me wrong I LOVE glitter...but this was extreme!) I ended up seeing a co-worker at another store afterwards and she said, "Wow, you really have a lot of that on."

But do you want to know the really funny part?

Perry and I took my mom to see the Twilight movie over Thanksgiving...so the first thing he says to me after I got the glitter all over me is:

"You look like a vampire in the sun."

Hair & Perry

Since I have been dating Perry...which is going on six and a half years this February...he has never been one to go and get his his hair cut professionally. He hates Fantastic Sam's or Cost Cutters because they buzz his hair and he feels like he looks like a 12 year old. I've repeatedly offered to take him to my wonderful hairdresser (Jenny Bembeneck...Platinum Salon...Stevens Point) but he has always found some reason (ahem..excuse) not to go. In the meantime, the guy has been hacking at his poor hair giving it all sorts of different lengths and shapes...that usually require the use of a hat for cover up. I have even seen him put highlights in his own hair with one of those highlight caps (Now THAT is something I wish I had taken a picture of.) He usually ends up with a rat tail in back and some funky looking bangs...and usually his mop of hair...is still a mop...albeit an unevenly trimmed mop.

Now people make the comment, "Well, why don't you just cut it for him?" If you know me at all...you know I am severely hair challenged. I can barely use a curling iron. I don't even dare to cut my own hair. Dying it myself would scare me. And styling consists of down, ponytail, or sides and top pulled into a clip. I have had the same bottle of hairspray for 5 years...and he has used it more than me. BUT one day years ago...we were on our way up to our friends' housewarming party in Dunbar, WI...and we stayed in a hotel in Rhinelander, WI. Perry kept telling me he needed his hair cut and kept hounding me to do it. I protested like the dickens and he finally wore me down. So we went out on the little balcony at our hotel and I gave haircutting and hair clipping a shot. "Follow the hairline Kristen...just follow the hairline. It's so easy to do Kristen." Yeah. Right. He looked so hideous when I was done and he was SO unhappy with my lack of skillz...that we had to drive around Rhinelander looking for a hair place to fix it...but the great part is that he has never asked me to touch his hair again.

Well, Perry is currently taking classes at NorthCentral Technical College and before he started classes he expressed the need for a "real" haircut so that he could take his hat off in class. So I bought him a gift certificate for my hairdresser for Christmas. On Monday of this week, he finally redeemed his gift certificate...and let me tell you...he looks hot. Jenny did such a wonderful job at having him look through men's hairstyle books, talk with him about what he wanted, demonstrated how to style his hair once it was cut...and he walked away so happy...and so handsome. I can't believe how good he looks. But we did get a great laugh in when she wetted his hair down and we saw the hundreds of different lengths his hair was...such a riot! (And of course...my camera was dead so I got no before and after pics...damn.)

Crossword Puzzle & Perry

Now I am going to start laughing so hard when I write about this one because when it happened, I was laughing so hard I was crying. For an hour. For New Year's this year we traveled to Sheboygan Falls, WI to spend the holiday with close friends of ours. On the way there, I had to stop at the Dollar Tree in Oshkosh, WI to get glow bracelets for the festivities (Read the glitter and glow blog if you don't understand). We also happened to find a crossword puzzle book while we were there...so while I drove, Perry read clues to me and we filled it in together.

One particular clue said something along the lines of "Night time bird"...three letters across. I told him, "Owl."

And he gave me a strange, sideways look and replied, "Really? I was thinking bat."

I started laughing and I said, "A bat isn't a bird. It's a mammal."

To which he replied, "Well it has f**kin' wings, it can f**kin' fly, so it's a bird."

I'm telling you I laughed all the way from Fond Du Lac to Sheboygan Falls...and he couldn't stop laughing either.

You know, one day he will get me back for all the stories I tell about him...but I'm not worried. At least not until he has internet access or a phone...or talks to other humans other than me!